The Pastiche


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Joke of the Day

Agnes Scott Spa and Bath?!?

New SGA Constitution Redefines Administrative Withdrawal Policy

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Joke of the Day

Q: How many Ph.D.s does it take to use an overhead projector?

A: One to play with all the switches. One to adjust the focus. One to flip the light switch on and off. One student to trip over it. And one Physical Plant guy to plug it in!

Agnes Scott Spa and Bath?!?
Campus Planning results are in!
by Soap Bubble

Campus Planners presented their final proposal to the entire Agnes Scott College community yesterday. The final changes stunned the onlookers into awed silence. They were no longer looking at Agnes Scott College; rather, they were looking at the new and improved Agnes Scott Spa and Bath.

These new changes include renovating the two first-year dorms, Main, and Inman so that they will be able to accommodate a personal spa and sauna as well as transforming one wing of each dorm into a small Bath and Body Works shop. Rebekah Hall would be rebuilt to house a larger public spa area as well as a sauna, and also would become home to the personal massage shops available to all. Rebekah, with its large spacious windows and high ceilings, would still be kept as a dormitory. Hopkins will be knocked down; in its place the Planners suggest an outdoor pool, complete with diving boards and pool chairs. Alston will receive a face-lift as new aerobic workout rooms are installed along with smoothie shops and an exotic fruit stand. The newest addition -- and the most exciting thus far -- is the installation of several hair salons. Petitions for positions in these new salons have been submitted by Vidal Sassoon, Salon Selectives, TCB, and Revlon. The amphitheater will be redesigned to support more outdoor lectures on health and beauty as well as soothing concerts performed by the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra.

In the academic arena, to go with the new schedules, classrooms are being rebuilt to accommodate the addition of a personal foot bath for every student as well as personal health bars in each administrative building. If one is feeling unusually stressed, she can take a time out and go to the new restrooms. These facilities now have steamers available to steam your face and relax those stressed muscles.

A very useful addition to the school is the new mineral- and nutrient-rich mud baths located in the green softball fields outside of Campbell and Buttrick. The Planners felt this area needed better use and proved difficult to navigate during rains, so they suggested putting it to better use as a mud bath. They also suggested installing heating devices to warm the mud and allow the nutrients to soak more thoroughly into the pores.

The senior administrators knew of the Campus Planners' ideas and had already started on several plans of their own. At the campus presentation, they informed the community of the projects they are working on to accommodate these new changes. There will be an increase in staff for the P.E. Department to fit this change. Agassi, Evert and Conner are being sought to teach the new tennis classes. Janet Evans has accepted a position as swim director for the P.E. Department and has taken on an assistant coach, Trisha Zorn (1996 Silver medalist for the Paralympics). Magic Johnson has accepted a position as the new head coach of basketball. Denise Austin, Gilad, and Richard Simmons are being pursued to teach the new aerobics classes, which will be located in the new building between Presser and Dana.

With all these exciting changes, many were eager to comment on them all after the presentation. Says freshman N. Great Shape, "I am really looking forward to seeing the new changes implemented. I am just dying to try out the mud baths." Some remain skeptical of the new changes. Says one administrator, "I bet they are going to make us take a pay cut for these changes." Others worry about how this would affect the newly-proposed P.E. requirements. For now, the campus will have to wait and see.

New SGA Constitution redefines Administrative Withdrawal Policy
by Sen Attor

The new constitution of the Student Government Association has passed with overwhelming student support. With several structural changes, the constitution promises to "empower students and provide the necessary tools to effectively unite student voice and communicate student concerns," says Tara Hogan, SGA president. The most drastic change has been the revision of the Administrative Withdrawal Policy, which previously stated that "a student whose conduct indicates that she is not in sympathy with the ideals and standards of the College or who is not mature enough for its programs, may be suspended, dismissed, or asked to withdraw...and it is not necessary that specific reasons be given."

The new and improved policy has been renamed the Administrator Dismissal Policy. This policy states that "any administrator whose conduct indicates that he/she is not in sympathy with the ideals and standards of the student body or who is not attentive enough of the concerns of the student body, may be suspended, dismissed, or fired...and it is not necessary that specific reasons be given." The policy was drafted in response to several complaints from the student body that the administration was not sensitive to student voices. With this policy, the students have the power to decide which administrators do not fit in with student ideals and the future of their careers at Agnes Scott. One student commented as she left the polls, "The beauty of it is that our ideals could possibly change any time the majority of the students want them to change! I think we should extend it to the faculty, too. I mean, we are the reason why they're here."

Although the administration calls the policy illegal and quotes several personnel and employment laws against it, no legal action has been taken. When asked about the harshness of the policy, some student leaders refer to the words "student-centered campus" found in some of the College literature.