Joke of the
Q: How many Ph.D.s does it take
to use an overhead projector?
A: One to play with all the switches.
One to adjust the focus. One to flip the light switch on and off.
One student to trip over it. And one Physical Plant guy to plug it
Agnes Scott Spa
Campus Planning results are in!
by Soap Bubble
Campus Planners presented their final
proposal to the entire Agnes Scott College community yesterday. The
final changes stunned the onlookers into awed silence. They were no
longer looking at Agnes Scott College; rather, they were looking at
the new and improved Agnes Scott Spa and Bath.
These new changes include renovating
the two first-year dorms, Main, and Inman so that they will be able
to accommodate a personal spa and sauna as well as transforming one
wing of each dorm into a small Bath and Body Works shop. Rebekah Hall
would be rebuilt to house a larger public spa area as well as a sauna,
and also would become home to the personal massage shops available to
all. Rebekah, with its large spacious windows and high ceilings, would
still be kept as a dormitory. Hopkins will be knocked down; in its place
the Planners suggest an outdoor pool, complete with diving boards and
pool chairs. Alston will receive a face-lift as new aerobic workout
rooms are installed along with smoothie shops and an exotic fruit stand.
The newest addition -- and the most exciting thus far -- is the installation
of several hair salons. Petitions for positions in these new salons
have been submitted by Vidal Sassoon, Salon Selectives, TCB, and Revlon.
The amphitheater will be redesigned to support more outdoor lectures
on health and beauty as well as soothing concerts performed by the Atlanta
In the academic arena, to go with the
new schedules, classrooms are being rebuilt to accommodate the addition
of a personal foot bath for every student as well as personal health
bars in each administrative building. If one is feeling unusually stressed,
she can take a time out and go to the new restrooms. These facilities
now have steamers available to steam your face and relax those stressed
A very useful addition to the school
is the new mineral- and nutrient-rich mud baths located in the green
softball fields outside of Campbell and Buttrick. The Planners felt
this area needed better use and proved difficult to navigate during
rains, so they suggested putting it to better use as a mud bath. They
also suggested installing heating devices to warm the mud and allow
the nutrients to soak more thoroughly into the pores.
The senior administrators knew of the
Campus Planners' ideas and had already started on several plans of their
own. At the campus presentation, they informed the community of the
projects they are working on to accommodate these new changes. There
will be an increase in staff for the P.E. Department to fit this change.
Agassi, Evert and Conner are being sought to teach the new tennis classes.
Janet Evans has accepted a position as swim director for the P.E. Department
and has taken on an assistant coach, Trisha Zorn (1996 Silver medalist
for the Paralympics). Magic Johnson has accepted a position as the new
head coach of basketball. Denise Austin, Gilad, and Richard Simmons
are being pursued to teach the new aerobics classes, which will be located
in the new building between Presser and Dana.
With all these exciting changes, many
were eager to comment on them all after the presentation. Says freshman
N. Great Shape, "I am really looking forward to seeing the new changes
implemented. I am just dying to try out the mud baths." Some remain
skeptical of the new changes. Says one administrator, "I bet they are
going to make us take a pay cut for these changes." Others worry about
how this would affect the newly-proposed P.E. requirements. For now,
the campus will have to wait and see.
New SGA Constitution
redefines Administrative Withdrawal Policy
by Sen Attor
The new constitution of the Student
Government Association has passed with overwhelming student support.
With several structural changes, the constitution promises to "empower
students and provide the necessary tools to effectively unite student
voice and communicate student concerns," says Tara Hogan, SGA president.
The most drastic change has been the revision of the Administrative
Withdrawal Policy, which previously stated that "a student whose conduct
indicates that she is not in sympathy with the ideals and standards
of the College or who is not mature enough for its programs, may be
suspended, dismissed, or asked to withdraw...and it is not necessary
that specific reasons be given."
The new and improved policy has been
renamed the Administrator Dismissal Policy. This policy states that
"any administrator whose conduct indicates that he/she is not in sympathy
with the ideals and standards of the student body or who is not attentive
enough of the concerns of the student body, may be suspended, dismissed,
or fired...and it is not necessary that specific reasons be given."
The policy was drafted in response to several complaints from the student
body that the administration was not sensitive to student voices. With
this policy, the students have the power to decide which administrators
do not fit in with student ideals and the future of their careers at
Agnes Scott. One student commented as she left the polls, "The beauty
of it is that our ideals could possibly change any time the majority
of the students want them to change! I think we should extend it to
the faculty, too. I mean, we are the reason why they're here."
Although the administration calls the
policy illegal and quotes several personnel and employment laws against
it, no legal action has been taken. When asked about the harshness of
the policy, some student leaders refer to the words "student-centered
campus" found in some of the College literature.